Ian Whalley(Bod) – A Eulogy

Ian Whalley

A son,…………….A Husband
A Father to Matt & Damian
A Brother……An Uncle…………A Friend

*And sometimes a BIG GIRLS BLOUSE

*Ian was very competitive…………..He didn’t like losing to anyone……….. Especially to me
On holiday together in Benidorm 1986
Me & Ian had a competition to see who could swim the furthest from the shore.
We didn’t know a great deal about currents back then …………….and how strong they could be or how quickly they could take you out. There was no internet back then
Any way about a mile and a half out…….Ian decided to turn back
“COME ON CRAIG….Your being stupid”
That was Ian being Sensible
He was still tutting and shaking his head at me 12 hrs later

*I think his mischievous side was triggered quite early on…….when Eric & the family lived in a garden fronted terrace on Lomax St.
The garden didn’t have any flowers in it just a large patch of hard soil.
My dad and a couple of others manage to forge a letter from the local council

*Dear sir
We recently carried out a garden survey in your area and you’re garden did not meet the required standard.
You have 7 days to remedy the situation or we will come and do the work ourselves and bill you accordingly
Yours sincerely

*Cllr.G. Slynne
Dept of parks and gardens

*The following day Ian, Alison and Paul were seen digging up the hard soil and planting a few bulbs.

*Ian had some really creative ideas…………especially when he was drunk.

On one of my rare appearances, around 1988 there’d been a pram race that same day.
After last orders in the Weavers, Smix spoke of the Suzuki van Bongo and a few others had used
Now there was a idea

*After pushing the van out onto the road, ****** driving and Ian sat in the front we set off down Blackburn road to the junction with Queen St, down the hill and back up around Clayton St.
With no engine and 17 drunken lads pushing… …….we got round quite quickly.
Back down Queen St. Ian signalled with his left arm
Just as we had turned up Water St…..someone shouted Police ………so we scarpered
Now the police were only interested in the driver ….so as me and Ian ran down past the fire station two coppers followed us
Ian ran towards Windsor Rd taking a left and I went right heading for St. Hubert’s St. Church
I managed to get away but Ian was caught and spent the night at her majesty’s pleasure
Ian could not recall the name of the driver and was let off in the morning with a caution.
According to Ian, he was only caught because the copper was a former Lancashire constabulary 100m champion
You couldn’t make it up

*He had initiative…..and he was quick thinking………as Kang could testify
Simmy’s 21st ride off…..April 1985 a ride off to Skipton

We only stopped for a quick one at the Swan in Whalley
And by the time we crossed the border into Yorkshire the police had already been informed of our visit and stopped the coach to warn us of our conduct on their patch..and they would kick us out of the County if there was any trouble
I’m not right sure how many could hear him at the back of the coach…………….
I think it was 9pm when were escorted out of Skipton back to the border.
On return we were greeted on the town gate by the Accrington constabularies finest

*The Sergeant warned everyone to stop on the coach……..he may as well as said how fast can you get off a coach
Everyone got off the coach and scattered.
A few of us were chased by a Baton wielding copper through two parks, it was like an 1500m relay but no one wanted to pick up the baton.
We eventually made it to the Indian in Rishton along with about another 15 others comparing tales
Apparently Ian was apprehended on the Town Gate car park by an officer……Ian had decided to walk rather than run like everyone else…….he had a plan.

“Officer I haven’t been with these people, I’ve just walked my Girlfriend home, what about him?”
As Kang ran past
So the copper grabbed Kang and arrested him…………….. Ian ended up at the Indian

*With so many of us, 45, typically, on a Sunday night in two minibuses, it would take 5mins to unload, there was always a 21st do to go on.
Ian’s 21st ride off was to Manchester.
What a good do
I reckon it would have been even better had he TURNED UP…… the bloody sulker.

*He was also musical
On the 6th floor balcony of Hotel Orange, in Benidorm in the early evening
Ian broke out into an impromptu whaling operatic voice
People gathered below looking up to where the singing was coming from

Soon quite large crowd was drawn to Ian’s shenanigans along with families eating out at the restaurant behind the crowd.

At this point Ian thought it would be a good idea to disappear and reappear with his bright white arse over the balcony doing a full moon………………………you had to be there to appreciate just how funny that was.

*He was Funny………..that laugh of his
I’d turned up with a date at the pictures in Blackburn
Ian & Roy with a few others were also there.
I didn’t know what kind of film it was at first, it was a new one.
Now picture Ian and his infectious laugh, with a cinema audience……………watching
Planes…..Trains and Automobiles
I don’t think anyone in that cinema that night had ever laughed as much he brought the house down.
*Always the competitor, Golf was the most frustrating; Ian was quite popular at the local golf shops replacing the odd iron, ………2 trolleys, a towel and 3 umbrellas. Better off with a helmet than a cap when he was in that type of form.
*We also had a Cricket Team ………..Ian was captain of the Church St All Stars and bringing with him some of the Australian pro’s, including Ian Harvey who went on to play for the Aussies.

As you’d expect competition was fierce fighting for a place in the side with the likes of
Ste “the Bat” wall ………..not because he was good with the bat…..he was blind as a bat.
Kevin Bucket Bridges pronounced bouquet………………..because he’d need a bucket to catch the ball.
Ian would be in a bad mood all weekend if we got beat particularly if you’d dropped catches.
See Ste and Kev about that.

*Ian was a keen fisherman…………and by all accounts a good fisherman at that.
So imagine the horror
Me & Ian off fishing at Morecambe in his boat
We always had a bet. Only a quid…………it’s the winning that counts.
Waigy 4 = crab………1 = fish
Ian 7 = crab………..0 fish
I know I rubbed it in a bit……………He didn’t invite me fishing again

*He could get a bit cranky sometimes or sulk a bit…………but we loved him for it that was Ian
The distinctive laugh……………….the mischievous smile……………….
The dead pan face with the twinkle in his eye…………………….you know he was up to something
Ian crammed a lot into his life
*I was only a small part of his life and looking round he’s managed to provide a lot of fun and laughter to a lot of people.
I could’ve mentioned the Psychodelic night
The smoke bombs in hotels
The pedollo and the machine gun
The stockings and suspenders………………………………………………
As we get older and we all go our separate ways, marriage, moving house, new interests, we don’t see each other as often………….
But when we do………….we always pick up where we left off.
*I didn’t see Ian and Julie very often, but when I did, they always looked happy
Like me he was an acquired taste…………but he was lucky to find someone like Julie
And we were lucky to know someone like Ian.

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2 Responses to “Ian Whalley(Bod) – A Eulogy”

  1. Andy King Says:

    Brilliant eulogy Craig. Bod(Ian) will have been smiling down as you read that. I fly back next week. Hopefully we can meet up (back for two weeks) So sad about bod,he was a top man. All the best Craig. May he rest in peace. Kang.

  2. ryan oldocrn Says:

    What a great eulogy Craig. Well done. RIP Ian.

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